Funny Poem Ideas Kenn Nesbitt Funny Poems
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Halloween Is Nearly Here
in Famous Holiday Poems
Halloween is nearly here.
I've got my costume planned.
It's sure to be the most horrific
outfit in the land.Halloween is nearly here.
I've got my costume planned.
It's sure to be the most horrific
outfit in the land.If you should see me coming
you may scream and hide your head.
My get-up will, I guarantee,
fill every heart with dread.My costume may cause nightmares.
Yes, my mask may stop your heart.
You might just shriek and wet yourself,
then squeamishly depart.And yet, I won't be dressing as
you might expect me to.
I will not be a vampire
or ghost that hollers "boo!"I won't look like a werewolf
or a goblin or a ghoul,
or even like a slimy blob
of deadly, dripping drool.I will not be a zombie
or some other horrid creature.
No, this year I'll be much, much worse…
I'm dressing as a teacher."Halloween is Nearly Here" copyright © 2012 Kenn Nesbitt. All Rights Reserved. Published in The Armpit of Doom. Reprinted by permission of the author. www.poetry4kids.com
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Homework Stew
in Famous Children Poems
I cooked my math book in a broth
and stirred it to a steaming froth.
I threw in papers—pencils, too—
to make a pot of homework stew.I cooked my math book in a broth
and stirred it to a steaming froth.
I threw in papers—pencils, too—
to make a pot of homework stew.I turned the flame up nice and hot
and tossed my binder in the pot.
I sprinkled in my book report
with colored markers by the quart.Despite its putrid, noxious gas,
I proudly took my stew to class.
And though the smell was so grotesque,
I set it on my teacher's desk.My teacher said, "You're quite a chef.
But, still, you're going to get an F.
I didn't ask for 'homework stew,'
I said, 'Tomorrow, homework's due.'""Homework Stew" copyright © 2005 Kenn Nesbitt. All Rights Reserved. Published in When the Teacher Isn't Looking. Reprinted by permission of the author. www.poetry4kids.com
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I Can't Wait For Summer
in Famous Children Poems
I can't wait for summer, when school days are done,
to spend the days playing outside in the sun.
I won't have to study. No homework, no tests.
Just afternoons spent on adventures and quests.I can't wait for summer, when school days are done,
to spend the days playing outside in the sun.
I won't have to study. No homework, no tests.
Just afternoons spent on adventures and quests.
Instead of mathematics and writing reports,
I'll go to the park and play summertime sports.
Instead of assignments, report cards, and grades,
I'll get to play baseball and watch the parades.
I'll swing on the playground. I'll swim in the pool
instead of just practicing lessons in school.
The second the school year is finally done
I'll spend every minute with friends having fun.
I hardly can wait for the end of the year.
I'm counting the days until summer is here.
It's hard to be patient. It's hard to be cool.
It's hard to believe it's the first day of school."I Can't Wait for Summer" copyright © 2005 Kenn Nesbitt. All Rights Reserved. Published in When the Teacher Isn't Looking. Reprinted by permission of the author. www.poetry4kids.com
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Elaine The Complainer
in Famous Children Poems
My name is Elaine
and I like to complain.
Complaining is all that I do.
I moan when it's hotMy name is Elaine
and I like to complain.
Complaining is all that I do.
I moan when it's hot
and I groan when it's not.
I whine when the sky is too blue.I fuss that the food
on my plate must be chewed.
I whimper whenever I clean.
I frequently fret
if my bath gets me wet.
I gripe if the grass is too green.I act like my brain
is in terrible pain
when people are being polite.
But then, if they're rude,
it will ruin my mood;
I'll grumble and mumble all night.But though I delight
in complaining all night,
there's one thing I simply can't see.
I don't understand
(since I'm clearly so grand)
why people complain about me."Elaine the Complainer" copyright © 2021 Kenn Nesbitt. All Rights Reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author. www.poetry4kids.com
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Let Me Out Of The Class
in Famous Children Poems
(sing to the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game")
Let me out of the classroom.
Let me out of the school.(sing to the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game")
Let me out of the classroom.
Let me out of the school.
I'm not so good at geography.
I would rather be watching T.V.It's still twenty minutes till recess.
Lunch is hours away.
Won't you please, please, please get me out
of the class today?Someone's here with a note now.
Teacher's calling my name.
He says my mother is right outside.
I should go and she'll give me a rideto my yearly dentist appointment.
I forgot it's today!
Teacher please, please, please help me out.
Won't you let me stay?"Let Me Out of the Classroom" copyright © 2007 Kenn Nesbitt. All Rights Reserved. Published in Revenge of the Lunch Ladies. Reprinted by permission of the author. www.poetry4kids.com
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Candy Andy
in Famous Holiday Poems
Hello, my name is Andy.
I'm a fan of eating candy.
It's delicious and it's dandy,
and my favorite thing to eat.Hello, my name is Andy.
I'm a fan of eating candy.
It's delicious and it's dandy,
and my favorite thing to eat.When I want some sweets for eating,
I'll be at your door repeating
that fantastic, famous greeting…
I'll be shouting, "Trick or treat!"I'll be dressed up like a mummy,
out in search of something yummy,
like a chocolate bar or gummi.
I'll be marching door-to-door.And, as long as you have dishes
full of candy so delicious
it can satisfy my wishes,
I'll keep coming back for more.You might think I'm being sneaky,
or perhaps a little cheeky,
and some people say it's freaky,
and they often ask me why…And they tell me that it's cheating
to be on their doorstep beating
on the front door, trick-or-treating,
in the middle of July."Candy Andy" copyright © 2021 Kenn Nesbitt. All Rights Reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author. www.poetry4kids.com
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Springy Sidewalk
in Famous Children Poems
The people outside on the sidewalk
can't seem to remain on the ground.
They're jumping and hopping and springing,
and generally bouncing around.The people outside on the sidewalk
can't seem to remain on the ground.
They're jumping and hopping and springing,
and generally bouncing around.I've never seen anything like it.
It's such an unusual scene,
as if they have springs in their sneakers,
or bounce on a big trampoline.I think I know what may have happened
that caused this chaotic event:
Last week they replaced our old sidewalk
with one made of rubber cement!"Springy Sidewalk" copyright © 2021 Kenn Nesbitt. All Rights Reserved. Published in The Aliens Have Landed at Our School. Reprinted by permission of the author. www.poetry4kids.com
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We Bought A Lot Of Candy Bars
in Famous Holiday Poems
We bought a lot of candy bars.
We thought it would be neat
to have a ton for all the kids
who came to trick-or-treat.We bought a lot of candy bars.
We thought it would be neat
to have a ton for all the kids
who came to trick-or-treat.We bought them early in the month
when they were all on sale.
We dragged the bags in from the car
and set them on the scale.The candy weighed a hundred pounds!
I'm sure we got enough.
In fact, we may have had too much
of all that yummy stuff.It wouldn't hurt to just eat one,
or two, or three, or four.
We bought so much that we could
even eat a dozen more.So every day we had a few;
a minuscule amount.
How many? I can't say for sure.
I wasn't keeping count.Our pile grew smaller every day
by ten, fifteen, or twenty.
But, still, it didn't matter.
We were certain we had plenty.When Halloween arrived we checked
the candy situation,
and found that we had given in
to way too much temptation.A single bar was all we had.
We'd eaten all the rest.
So, if our lights are off tonight,
I think that's for the best."We Bought a Lot of Candy Bars" copyright © 2020 Kenn Nesbitt. All Rights Reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author. www.poetry4kids.com
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A Vampire Bit My Neck Last Night
in Famous Holiday Poems
A vampire bit my neck last night.
And, though it sounds insane,
some zombies chased me down the street
and tried to eat my brain.A vampire bit my neck last night.
And, though it sounds insane,
some zombies chased me down the street
and tried to eat my brain.A mummy shambled after me.
Godzilla stomped my face.
I nearly I got abducted by
an alien from space.When Frankenstein attacked me
I escaped, but then almost
got tackled by a skeleton,
a werewolf, and a ghost.A slimy blob engulfed me.
Then I woke up with a scream.
I've never been so overjoyed
to wake up from a dream.Last night I learned a lesson;
if you want to keep your head,
don't watch a scary movie
right before you go to bed."A Vampire Bit My Neck Last night" copyright © 2021 Kenn Nesbitt. All Rights Reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author. www.poetry4kids.com
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9 Most Popular Poems by Kenn Nesbitt
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